first chapter excerpt

Count It All Joy! The Story of Joy Ridderhof & Gospel Recordings, Inc. by Phyllis Thompson

First talking of thoughts of wishing suicide wasn't wrong to commit and then speaking of fear of giving speeches... "Preparing for examinations was almost equally alarming. She worried about them for weeks before hand. 'I suppose worrying goes with being conscientious,' she said to herself reassuringly. It was really quite a good quality. It was not so easy to find a justification for being irritable, however, especially with one's own mother, and for some reason Joy could not explain, there were times when her mother exasperated her. This was all wrong for a Christian, but try as she would the irritation continually cropped up in impatient actions or explosive remarks. It made her feel guilty and ashamed, and the only comfort she could find in that was that at least it proved she was neither indifferent nor hardened, a careless unrepentant backslider. Altogether, an underlying sense of anxiety was perhaps an indispensable adjunct to the Christian life. It might even be an evidence of sincerity, of an earnest desire to become the sort of person God expected one to be." ...(keep reading)... "It came as a shock therefore when the eminent preacher invited for a Victorious Life Conference at the church Joy attended asserted uncompromisingly, 'Worry is sin!' Joy had never heard such a definition of her permanent condition of mind before. More than anything else Dr. R. C. McQuilkin said in that opening address the simple pronouncement arrested her. That worry was sin, an offence against God as heinous as any crime man can commit was an entirely new thought. She had lived with worry so long that she had come to regard it vaguely as a sort of uncomfortable virtue. To throw it out, to be rid of it for ever was a prospect at once alluring and alarming. The question was not only whether it was possible, but whether it was right. Joy went home after that first meeting with her mind absorbed by what she had heard. The speaker's strong, melodious voice, the conviction with which he spoke, his reasoned arguments based on the Scriptures had all combined to grip her attention, but it was the promise of deliverance from worry that stirred her most deeply. Could it be true? If you trust you don't worry, if you worry you don't trust sounded logical, but was it possible to be scrupulous in doing your duty without being anxious about it?" ... "'Oh, I'm in such a dilemma!' and then, to her own amazement, 'And I can't even worry about it!' That week was the most significant of her life, and had a profound and lasting effect on her theology. The responsibility of man had always loomed large with her, and her Christian life had been lived mainly in dependence on her own efforts, but now the sovereignty of God loomed even larger. The power and the reliability of the Heavenly Father who loved her were what she was called upon to trust in. To doubt Him was unbelief, and unbelief was sin. She would sin no more. Faith in God should be her attitude, and praise to Him for His willingness and ability to bring good out of everything - including her own silly mistakes. The sense of freedom this brought was inexpressible, and with it came an overmastering desire to learn more about God had suddenly become so relevant to everyday life."