Christmas 2002 Journal Entries

Proverbs16: 9 "In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps."

We think we have the basics down so much of the time, but in reality we don’t. We gain so much knowledge of other theological issues, seemingly “more deep” theological issues but in reality we are still very lacking in even gaining all the truth in the basics of God’s plan. Do we recognize forgiveness? Do we recognize truly what Christ did for us when He came down to earth as fully human and still fully God? Do we recognize the importance of Christmas? Do we recognize the importance of the cross? The cross is the axle on which the rest of Christianity spins on. The cross is the most important thing in the history that has happened and that will happen, beyond the end of time. The cross will never be forgotten and we should never forget the cross.

I said I didn’t fully comprehend God’s forgiveness and although that is true I was using it as an excuse to not have my sins forgiven but to revel in my sin. My pride was such that I thought I had to be perfect. I wanted to do things my own way. My own pride and selfishness wanted the fact that anything good happens to be because of me. God needs it done His way and will get it done His way. Forgiveness came when I turned around and faced God, no strings attached.

I want the best in this life. I want God’s very best, not just better than what I think I want, but the ultimate. I want to change the world for Christ. I want to be more like Him daily. I want others, Christians and nonChristians alike, to see me and in seeing me, see Christ. I want huge things to happen because Christ is working in me, because I’m saying “yes yes yes” to everything He wants of me, because I’m living solely off of Him and nothing else.

(Now in the present, I don't think that I would word things in exactly the same way that I did then but I still find it incredibly interesting. Some of this suff I still wrestle with on almost a daily basis. I definitely feel like the Holy Spirit has given more grace, more wisdom, more enlightenment on certain issues. Praise God!)