woah...

so i was looking at an old blog of mine that i started writing my senior year at master's. i mean, i know i love california and all but i'm amazed at how much writing about "home" there is. in reflecting about the chapter in the blog below (and as calvin once put it), it's not that you want something but that you want it too much. and so God has kept me from some things so that i might know Him more and wait much more expectantly for heaven than i might otherwise.

i also quoted caedmon's call's "thy mercy" lyrics. look 'em up. they're excellent.

i also wrote one day, "Life is hard. Not because of school, friends, family... or anything else... but because of me."

also, sermon notes (from my head that i wrote down on my blog when i returned to my dorm) from the first sinclair ferguson sermon i ever heard. it was on psalm 51.
"You have not yet considered the greatness of the weight of sin."
Repent ...so that more people will return to God.
- recognize your failure
- gaze upon the true nature of your heart in all its evil
- sin is disregarding the glory of God
- you must know the "appalling sinfulness" of your own heart in order to experience the grace of God
- sin is serious and has impact on your life
- ask forgiveness
- "blot out my transgressions"
- it is God who we sin against hence who we must ask forgiveness from
- David's sin was the "utter unfitness" ofbeing the presence of God
- repentance is rooted in God's amazing grace
- David could not do anything
- no sacrifice would suffice
- it was according to God's steadfast love
- it is God who must have mercy on the sinner
- rejoice in forgiveness
- it's this that transforms your life - SING!
- the whole of the Christian life should be repentance - until the end when we'll be transformed

and then the second sinclaire ferguson sermon i ever heard. outstanding. see here.

woah! weird! i have a robertson mcquilkin quote from 2005 before i ever even heard of ciu! haha - God is so cool, God is so cool, God is so cool, He's so cool to me (sung to the tune of "God Is So Good)

hah - another post, "Grrrr... I hate sin." man, some things never change (until heaven, that is!)

aaaaaaaaah, quotes from brother lawrence, "That we ought to give ourselves up to God, with regard both to things temporal and spiritual, and seek our satisfaction only in the fulfilling of His will, whether He lead us by suffering or by consolation, for all would be equal to a soul truly resigned." ... "That to arrive at such resignation as God requires, we should watch attentively over all the passions which mingle as well in spiritual things as in those of a grosser nature; that God would give light concerning those passions to those who truly desire to serve Him."
(this is seriously crazy! very similar situation at that time in my life as is this time in my life. Lord, how i pray i am a different person than i was three years ago!)

and more good quotes, this time from elisabeth elliot, "We may be earnestly desiring to be obedient and holy. But we may be missing the fact that it is here, where we happen to be at this moment and not in another place or another time, that we may learn to love Him - here where it seems He is not at work, where His will seems obscure or frightening, where He is not doing what we expected Him to do, where He is most absent. Here and nowhere else is the appointed place. If faith does not go to work here, it will not go to work at all." and...
"Perhaps some future day, Lord, Thy strong hand
Will lead me to the place where I must stand
Utterly alone.
Alone, O Gracious Lover, but for Thee;
I shall be satisfied if I can see
Jesus only.
I do not know Thy plan for years to come,
My spirit finds in Thee its perfect home,
Sufficiency.
Lord, all my desire is before Thee now,
Lead on, no matter where, no matter how -
I trust in Thee."
...and
"Might God sometimes take from us our love because we love too much? I don't think so. Surely it is impossible to love 'too much,' for love is from God, who is Love. Usually we love too little and too sentimentally. Our love, God-given though it be, is usually mixed up with possessiveness and selfishness. It needs strengthening and purifying. Human love is often inordinate, which means disorderly, unregulated, unrestrained, not limited to the usual bounds. If we love someone more than we love God, it is worse than inordinate - it is idolatry. When God is first in our hearts, all other loves are in order and find their rightful place. If God is not first, other loves, even those which are in no sense sexual, easily turn into self-gratification and therefore destroy both the lover and the beloved."

oh my word - read this one!

and then there are ones like this ...and i am so very grateful for God's grace towards me as i see change.

wow.