on my birthday

i'm getting to know God more. i read an article by piper about how no blessings are comparable to that of simply being a child of the living God, redeemed, restored, to live forever to glorify Him. one of the quotes below has kept running through my mind about being thankful for the unmerited bounty of God rather than griping about His seeming straithandedness. and so i definitely see growth, not that i don't want the things i want, but that i just want Jesus more, that Jesus is better than anything. it's not taking away the wants but making them incomparable to Christ, the Giver, as piper always calls Him. and i'm scared. because it's hard. because it's easier to give in, it's easier to give up, it's easier to let my natural sinful nature to control. i am extremely undisciplined in practically every area of my life. so i know that i want Jesus more than anything and that i don't want to give Him up for anything, but does that anything include daily hard work, daily sacrifice of my mind and my thoughts and my actions, doing what i don't always want to do, focusing on truth even if it's so easy to focus on lies, being thankful for everything, not being in want, rejoicing always? yes, these things must be forced sometimes. and so when a genuine christian prays to their Lord and asks for nearness to Him, and with faith knowing that He will answer, it's overwhelming to think what He might do. of course, Jesus chose the cross, His Father chose it for Him. "not my will but yours."

For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can’t escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I’m home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

And keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
There’s nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer my Lord

- lyrics by Meredith Andrews

"My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister,' and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you fromthe forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words." Provbers 7:1-5