new blog

www.isaiahchapter43.blogspot.com

I need prayer, please.

In no particular order...

• Cindy Carbajal is coming to visit me. Her husband has a kidney stone. Pray that he is healed before Cindy comes so both feel better about her being here. Pray that when she comes we have sweet time together.
• Rebecca Boone's wedding on April 18th and the planning on my part for the days before hand. That I'm a good friend and we have a grand time.
• I've had to go to the doctor for some digestional problems. Pray especially for all the insurance to come through and of course to figure out what's going on.
• For school as I finish up, especially for one class that has been very aggravating for me. That I do the best I can and am patient and kind with the teacher.
• For my living situation. I love my roommates, truly, but to be able to tell them when they hurt me.
• For a particular past friendship of mine that has completely deteriorated and all the hurt (and, unfortunately, anger at times) that comes along with it.
• All the details that need to happen for teaching this summer in the Middle East.
• All the details that need to happen for teaching in August in the Ukraine.
• All the details that need to happen for the ten days that I'll be in Austria, Germany, and Czech Republic with my sister.
• I'm singing at church this Sunday night. I'm excited but scared.
• For rest in all ways.
• For consistent time with the Lord. Hell really is hell because it's the lack of Jesus. It's not that I don't know that He's best but that I get overwhelmed and instead of turning to Him and relaxing, I just want to forget about everything and it freezes me into doing nothing which only makes everything worse. Pray for this, please.

Thank you and blessings on you for praying to Him.

do you ever have a day (or days) when you just feel totally overwhelmed? yes, by outside circumstances, but more so by how foolish and idiotic and imperfect you are. and it's just so frustrating. and all you know to do is beg God for mercy. and the only thing you know how to do is say "praise Jesus! He is everything. all i know is that you are best, that you are worthy, that i can't, that i don't want to, live without you." you don't know anything else. and you just beg for God's mercy.

...and then He proves Himself merciful - through an e-mail from a friend (that wasn't even written for you), from a providential meeting of a dear friend that you rarely see, from a call from one of your favorite students from chuuk, through a great mom that listens through the tears and frustration, through an unexpected talk with a professor, and even through a hymn sing session that you have been skipping out on every week before tonight because you're too tired and have too many other things to do...

and you sing...

Abide with me: fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide:
When other helpers fail, and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me!

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see:
O thou who changest not, abide with me!

I need thy presence ev'ry passing hour;
What but thy grace can foil the tempter's pow'r?
Who like thyself my guide and stay can be?
Thro' cloud and sunshine, O abide with me!

Hold thou thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine thro' gloom, and point me to the skies:
Heav'n's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord abide with me!

and the story of my life (and one of my all-time favorite hymns)...

All the way my Savior leads me; What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt his tender mercy, Who thro' life has been my guide?
Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in him to dwell!
For I know what e'er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know what e'er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me; Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for ev'ry trial, Feeds me with the living bread:
Tho my weary steps may falter, And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me; Oh, the fullness of his love!
Perfect rest to me is promis'd In my Father's house above:
When my spirit, cloth'd immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song thro' endless ages: Jesus led me all the way;
This my song thro' endless ages: Jesus led me all the way.

...and prayer requests.

tomorrow i'm substitute teaching at an esl class for one of my professors. 7:30 on sunday night, i don't yet have a lesson plan. i have class tomorrow afternoon and then i was supposed to have coffee with a friend but i had to cancel because i realize i have a huge project due on wednesday and a midterm. but on tuesday i have an endoscopy at the doctor's office and then i work all day, although i have no idea how i'll be feeling afterwards. i do know, i'm not allowed to drive all day. and on tuesday night i'm taking dinner over to the le texier's because susana's pregnant. oh dear, and i just realized i have voice lessons on tuesday afternoon too. aaaah! pray that all this works out. i have no idea how. oh, Lord, help!

"the blueness is newness in Jesus Christ"

I've been waiting to blog so I could post the link to the rest of World Christian Week's sermons but the link isn't up yet. It was very good. God is awesome.

For those of you who don't know, after teaching English in the middle east this summer, I'm off to Austria, Germany, and the Czech Republic with my sister. Then we're off to the Ukraine for more English teaching. Clearly, God continues to be awesome.

Since you all know that I love quoting from books, I thought I would write some from Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb, the book I noted in the blog below. I continued reading it on this 80 degree, clear and sunny day in Columbia, after church and lunch at Donna and "J"'s of course. :o)

Jesus' teachings:
"Truth 1: Life includes suffering, but life is good. In this world, His followers and everyone else will suffer tribulation. But Jesus has made a way for us to satisfy our deepest desire in the midst of unrelieved pain.
Truth 2: The cause of all suffering is separation. We are separated from God - and from our own deepest desire, our longing for God - and we're therefore deceived into looking elsewhere for joy. That sets us off on the ultimate wild goose chase. Nothing but God satisfies our most profound desire.
Truth 3: The way to handle suffering is to discover your desire for God. Then everything, both good and bad, becomes redemptive. It moves us toward the God we desire. Enter your thirst. Feel your ache, the very worst ache that throbs in your soul. Face how you harm others, your spouse, your children, your friends. And face your disappointment with them. Eventually, you will seek God for... ...forgiveness of your failure to love. ...the love you desire. ...empowerment to love others. ...hope that one day you will revel in love freely given and freely received in a perfect community of lovers.
Truth 4: The new life provided through Jesus must be accepted as a gift of love. We then spend the rest of our days discovering our desire to know God better, and we come to realize it's a desire whose satisfaction no shattered dream can thwart."

Also,
"God does want us happy; He's gone to great lengths to ensure our eternal joy. But the happiness He provides now is the strange happiness of longing for what we were designed to experience but must wait to fully enjoy. It's the happiness of serving a God we trust enough to let us cry today, knowing He has promised to wipe our eyes tomorrow. ...C.S. Lewis somewhere said that if we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world. Jesus told us to lay up treasures for ourselves in heaven. Paul instructs us to fix our eyes on an unseen world, the one Lewis calls 'another world,' and to set our affections on higher ambitions than will ever be satisfied now. The message is clear. We are to become aware of better dreams and live for them, not only the better dreams of heaven but also the better dream available now of drawing close to God. When we discover our desire for God, we can live for nothing less."

And, last, you know when you have a CD but you only listen to a few particular songs and then one day you start broadening your horizons and realize that there are other cool songs on the album too? Well that happened to me. Read these awesome lyrics by Laura Story, especially with everything else I've been thinking about lately. :o)

When I'm at the point of breaking
At the place where I resign
When I'm at the stage of shaking my head
As I look back on my life
When I'm halfway thru the grieving
But not quite thru the ache
When I cannot see the ending
Or which road I'm supposed to take

And all I know to do
Is lift my hands to You

Take all of my life
All of my life
And make something beautiful
I open my hand and trust in Your plan
Make something beautiful
So all will see
Your work in me
As You make something beautiful

When I'm tired of pretending
And I can't recall my line
Do I saw I'm barely breathing
Or do I say I'm doing fine
I admit there is a yearning
For the hurting to subside
But not at the risk of missing
What You're doing in my life

And all I know to do
Is lift my hands to You

letting you know cool stuff...

On Sunday I attended Cedar Creek Baptist Church (Donna and "J"s church). The sermon was great, talking about Jesus being the center of our lives and the reason we do everything (the end of Romans 15). After service, I went over to my small group leaders' home from Sandhills Community Church and spent four hours with their fam. and a few other people. We played Pit, Quibbles, and Nerts. So much fun. Then I rushed over to House 10 on campus for an International Worship night. There were about 30 people there, a lot of internationals and MKs. It was a marvelous time of worship and fellowship. After most people left, Reyner, Jennie, Andre, Tim, Laurel, Jenn, Betsy, a few others, and I "jammed" for the glory of God. I played Betsy's bongos and sang. It was soooo wonderful!!!! Then I came home to find a young man sitting on the couch in my living room with Anita and Priscilla. The four of us talked for almost another two hours. Way past my bedtime, I went to sleep. Praise the Lord for a great day though!

This week at school is World Christian Week. Yesterday we had our first main session. The speaker, no joke, is a little John Piper. His sermon was outstanding. You can listen to it here. And the only other book the speaker quoted from was a book I'm reading right now called Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb - EXCELLENT! You should read it.

I'll write more soon. Pray, pray, pray!!!

sickness

i decided that after being sick for two weeks something needed to be changed. so i thought that stopping a few things in my life so i could get better would help in the long run. i didn't go help at church tonight, which was actually okay because the director was out of town anyway and i would have only been needed for an hour instead of two. i was late getting off work and then i needed to print something out at the computer lab so by the time i got home it was five o'clock.

what to do? i was angry. angry at the germs. i had put vacuum my bedroom floor and clean my sheets on a list of things to do. but what did i really end up doing? ...vacuumed all the rooms in the house, except priscilla's; refolded all the blankets on the sofas in the living room; washed all the towels in the bathroom and my sheets and other dirty laundry; empty the trash in the bathroom and my bedroom; washed the tub, sink area, and toilet in the bathroom; dusted all the furniture; unloaded the dishwasher and then reloaded the dishwasher; cleaned the kitchen floor; used easy off to clean the oven and the stove (twice, yes it was that dirty); and changed the light bulb on the front porch.

then i ate a bowl of my yummy chicken and rice and pea concoction and practiced my bongos for thirty minutes. i also reminisced about playing american girl dolls, barbies, and heather and webber's wedding with cindy to priscilla.

now i'm going through all the papers that have once again accumulated on my desk in my bedroom, scheduling my life, getting my homework organized, and writing this blog.

and my new favorite drink is orange, pomegranate, jasmine green tea. yes, it's one drink. mmmmmmmm.

God's cool, as usual. (you've missed my fun posts, huh?)

please, pray for me. i've had a cold for the past 14 days. it's not infected. but i just really need to get over this.

objective of the article below

Chuuk is a better vacation destination than Hawaii; even though it's more expensive, it's worth it.

KiShooTenKetsu - Japanese Discourse

Written by Katie Eaton for Joe's TEFL Techniques class (learning how our students feel when learning to structure their discourse differently.)

If I had plenty of money, I would quit shopping at Old Navy and Target and I would probably buy clothes from Banana Republic and JCrew. Their clothes fit very well and are extremely chic. Looking great would help me feel more confident and, in turn, increase my relational skills.

For my birthday, my Grandma gave me a gift certificate for the mall. I tried on a lot of great outfits from Banana Republic. Although I only ended up purchasing a beautiful new blouse to wear when teaching, one wonderful garment from Banana Republic is worth five mediocre garments from Target.

Hawaii seems to be a choice tropical getaway for West Coast U.S. citizens. But from fast food establishments to shopping you can easily find in the continental U.S., there is not a lot to discover. The beaches are crowded and the tourist traps are rampant. Hawaii may cost less than other tropical getaways, but is a mediocre vacation worth the money you save?

Chuuk, Micronesia, is a gorgeous tropical paradise. The people are friendly, the water is beautiful, and the only food you can find is the local fare. The cost of the flight is well worth the incredible scenery and one-of-a-kind environment.

go here. listen to feb. 17th, brad bird. excellent.

...and the semester is in full swing!

Monday - TEFL Techniques class in the afternoon with Joe and all my fellow teflites, learn tons and have a great time.

Tuesday - Work all day with my beloved boss. I also tutor Zack, a Chinese high school student (although this has now been moved to Thursday nights.)

Wednesday - Curriculum and Testing class in the morning, chapel, then one hour practicum class, and then work in the afternoon. I go home and breath for an hour and then go help with little kids' choir at Cedar Creek Baptist Church. Yes, it's always a joy to go to bed on Wednesday nights.

Thursday - Free day! Which so far has meant a ton of errands and, today, observations in ESL classes at USC, extremely fun. Next week I'm starting voice lessons at 5:30, then tutor from 7-8, and then Becca (who's going overseas with me this summer) comes over for prayer time.

Friday - Work in the morning.

Free time during the week (i.e. not working or in class) involves running errands, keeping up with Rebecca Boone's upcoming wedding, hanging out with friends, looking for possible positions for next fall, and doing observations in ESL classes for my practicum class, oh, and homework!

Saturday and Sunday seem to always speed by as well.

So that's what's up. I would greatly appreciate your prayers. I'm exhausted at the moment but I'll write more sometime soon!

God is incredible! And He always knows what He's doing.

woah...

so i was looking at an old blog of mine that i started writing my senior year at master's. i mean, i know i love california and all but i'm amazed at how much writing about "home" there is. in reflecting about the chapter in the blog below (and as calvin once put it), it's not that you want something but that you want it too much. and so God has kept me from some things so that i might know Him more and wait much more expectantly for heaven than i might otherwise.

i also quoted caedmon's call's "thy mercy" lyrics. look 'em up. they're excellent.

i also wrote one day, "Life is hard. Not because of school, friends, family... or anything else... but because of me."

also, sermon notes (from my head that i wrote down on my blog when i returned to my dorm) from the first sinclair ferguson sermon i ever heard. it was on psalm 51.
"You have not yet considered the greatness of the weight of sin."
Repent ...so that more people will return to God.
- recognize your failure
- gaze upon the true nature of your heart in all its evil
- sin is disregarding the glory of God
- you must know the "appalling sinfulness" of your own heart in order to experience the grace of God
- sin is serious and has impact on your life
- ask forgiveness
- "blot out my transgressions"
- it is God who we sin against hence who we must ask forgiveness from
- David's sin was the "utter unfitness" ofbeing the presence of God
- repentance is rooted in God's amazing grace
- David could not do anything
- no sacrifice would suffice
- it was according to God's steadfast love
- it is God who must have mercy on the sinner
- rejoice in forgiveness
- it's this that transforms your life - SING!
- the whole of the Christian life should be repentance - until the end when we'll be transformed

and then the second sinclaire ferguson sermon i ever heard. outstanding. see here.

woah! weird! i have a robertson mcquilkin quote from 2005 before i ever even heard of ciu! haha - God is so cool, God is so cool, God is so cool, He's so cool to me (sung to the tune of "God Is So Good)

hah - another post, "Grrrr... I hate sin." man, some things never change (until heaven, that is!)

aaaaaaaaah, quotes from brother lawrence, "That we ought to give ourselves up to God, with regard both to things temporal and spiritual, and seek our satisfaction only in the fulfilling of His will, whether He lead us by suffering or by consolation, for all would be equal to a soul truly resigned." ... "That to arrive at such resignation as God requires, we should watch attentively over all the passions which mingle as well in spiritual things as in those of a grosser nature; that God would give light concerning those passions to those who truly desire to serve Him."
(this is seriously crazy! very similar situation at that time in my life as is this time in my life. Lord, how i pray i am a different person than i was three years ago!)

and more good quotes, this time from elisabeth elliot, "We may be earnestly desiring to be obedient and holy. But we may be missing the fact that it is here, where we happen to be at this moment and not in another place or another time, that we may learn to love Him - here where it seems He is not at work, where His will seems obscure or frightening, where He is not doing what we expected Him to do, where He is most absent. Here and nowhere else is the appointed place. If faith does not go to work here, it will not go to work at all." and...
"Perhaps some future day, Lord, Thy strong hand
Will lead me to the place where I must stand
Utterly alone.
Alone, O Gracious Lover, but for Thee;
I shall be satisfied if I can see
Jesus only.
I do not know Thy plan for years to come,
My spirit finds in Thee its perfect home,
Sufficiency.
Lord, all my desire is before Thee now,
Lead on, no matter where, no matter how -
I trust in Thee."
...and
"Might God sometimes take from us our love because we love too much? I don't think so. Surely it is impossible to love 'too much,' for love is from God, who is Love. Usually we love too little and too sentimentally. Our love, God-given though it be, is usually mixed up with possessiveness and selfishness. It needs strengthening and purifying. Human love is often inordinate, which means disorderly, unregulated, unrestrained, not limited to the usual bounds. If we love someone more than we love God, it is worse than inordinate - it is idolatry. When God is first in our hearts, all other loves are in order and find their rightful place. If God is not first, other loves, even those which are in no sense sexual, easily turn into self-gratification and therefore destroy both the lover and the beloved."

oh my word - read this one!

and then there are ones like this ...and i am so very grateful for God's grace towards me as i see change.

wow.

more of John Flavel

[i read this chapter in my book about providence within minutes after writing the blog below, read it if you haven't already. i was, once again, blown away by God's perfect timing, especially since i had not picked up the book in a couple of days. the entire chapter was outstanding and that's why i'm typing out the whole thing here for you to read. have fun finding God fascinating.]

THE WORK OF SANCTIFICATION

There is an eminent favour Providence bestows on the saints, which has not yet been considered, and indeed is too little minded by us, and that is the aid and assistance it gives the people of God in the great work of mortification.

Mortification of our sinful affections and passions is one half of our sanctification: 'dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God' (Rom. 6.11). It is our safety in the hour of temptation. The corruptions in the world are through lust (2 Peter 1.4). Our instrumental fitness for service depends much upon it (John 15.2; 2 Tim. 2.21). How great a service to our souls therefore must that be, by which this blessed work is carried on in them!

Now there are two means or instruments employed in this work. The Spirit, who effect it internally (Rom. 8.13), and Providence, which assists it externally. The Spirit indeed is the principal agent, upon whose operation the success of this work depends, and all the providences in the world can never effect it without Him. But they are secondary and subordinate means, which, by the blessing of the Spirit upon them, have a great part in the work. How they are so serviceable to this end and purpose, I shall now explain.

The most wise God orders the dispensations of Providence in a blessed subordination to the work of His Spirit. There is a sweet harmony between them in their distinct workings. They all meet in that one blessed issue to which God has by the counsel of His will directed them (Rom. 8.28; Eph. 1.11). Hence it is that the Spirit is said to be in, and to order the motions of the wheels of Providence (Ezek. 1.20), and so they move together by consent. Now one great part of the Spirit's internal work being to destroy sin in the people of God, see how conformable to His design external providences are steered and ordered in the following particulars.

There is in all the regenerate a strong propensity and inclination to sin, and in that lies a principal part of the power of sin. Of this Paul sadly complains: 'But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members' (Rom. 7.23): and ever believer daily finds it to his grief. O, it is hard to forbear those things that grieve God. God has made a hedge about us, and fenced us against sin by His laws; but there is a proneness in nature to break over the hedge, and that against the very opposition of the Spirit of God in us. Now see in this case the concurrence and assistance of Providence for the prevention of sin. As the Spirit internally resists those sinful inclinations, so Providence externally lays bars and blocks in our way to hinder and prevent sin (Job 33.17-19; Hosea 2.6; 2 Cor. 12.7). There is many a bodily ailment inflicted on this very score, to be a clog to prevent sin. O bear them patiently upon this consideration. Basil was sorely grieved with an inveterate headache; he earnestly prayed it might be removed; God removed it. No sooner was he freed of this clog, but he felt the inordinate motions of lust, which made him pray for his headache again. So it might be with many of us, if our clogs were off.

At this point it may be asked whether it is proper for a gracious spirit to forbear sin because of the rod of affliction? He has surely higher motives and nobler principles than these. This is the attitude of a carnal and slavish spirit!

Indeed it is so when this is the sole or principal restraint from sin, when a man does not abhor sin because of the intrinsic filth, but only because of the troublesome consequences and effects. But this is vastly different from the case of the saints under sanctified afflictions; for as they have higher motives and nobler principles, so they have lower and natural feelings too; and these are, in their kind and place, very useful to them.

Besides, you must know that afflictions work in another way upon gracious hearts to restrain them from sin, or warn them against sin, than they do upon others. It is not so much the smart of the rod which they feel, as the token of God's displeasure, which frightens and scares them. 'Though renewest thy witnesses against me' (Job 10.17), and this is that which principally affects them. 'O Lord, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in they hot displeasure' (Ps. 6.1). 'O Lord, correct me, but with judgment; not in thine anger, lest thou bring me to nothing' (Jer. 10.24): and surely this is no low and common argument.

Notwithstanding this double fence of God's command and preventive afflictions, yet sin is too hard for the best of men; their corruptions carry them through all to sin. And when it is so, not only does the Spirit work internally, but Providence also works externally in order to subdue them. The ways of sin are not only made bitter to them by the remorse of conscience, but by those afflictive rods upon the outward man, with which God also follows it; and in both these respects I find that text expounded: 'Whoso breaketh an hedge, a serpent shall bite him' (Eccles. 10.8). If, as some expound it, the hedge is the law of God, then the serpent is the remorse of conscience, and the sharp teeth of affliction, which he shall quickly feel, if he is one that belongs to God.

The design and aim of these afflictive providences is to purge and cleanse believers from that pollution into which temptations have plunged them. 'By this, therefore, shall the iniquity of Jacob be purged, and this is all the fruit to take away his sin' (Isa. 27.9). To the same purpose is that place: 'Before I was afflicted I went astray; but now have I kept thy word' (Ps. 119.67). These afflictions have the same use and end to our souls that frosty weather has upon those clothes that are laid out to be bleached; they alter the hue and make them whiter, which seems to be the allusion in those words: 'And some of them of understanding shall fall, to try them, and to purge, and to make them white' (Dan. 11.35).

And here it may be queried upon what account afflictions are said to purge away the iniquities of the saints? Is it not unwarrantable and very dishonourable to Christ, to attribute to affliction that which is the peculiar honour of His blood?

It is confessed that the blood of Christ is the only fountain opened for sin, and that no afflictions, however many or strong or continual they are, can in themselves purge away the pollution of sin, as we see in wicked men who are afflicted, and afflicted, and again afflicted; and yet nevertheless sinful. And the torments of hell, however extreme, universal and continual they are, yet shall never fetch out the stain of one sin.

But it is still true that a sanctified affliction may, in the efficacy and virtue of Christ's blood, produce such blessed effects upon the soul. Though a cross without a Christ never did any man any good, yet thousands have been indebted to the cross, as it has wrought in the virtue of His death for their good. And this is the case with those souls that this discourse is concerned about.

We find the best hearts, if God bestow any comfortable enjoyment upon them, too apt to be over-heated in their affections towards it, and to be too much taken up with these outward comforts. This also shows the great power and strength of corruption in the people of God, and must by some means or other be mortified in them.

This was the case of Hezekiah whose heart was too much set upon his treasures; so that he could not hide a vainglorious disposition (Isa. 39.2). Likewise good David (Ps. 30.7) thought his mountain, that is, his kingdom and the splendour and glory of his present state, had stood so fast that it should never be moved.

How the same good man set his heart and affections upon his beautiful son Absalom appears by the doleful lamentation he made at his death, prizing him above his own life, which was a thousand times more worth than he.

So Jonah, when God raised up a gourd for him to shelter him from the sun, how excessively was he taken with it, and was exceedingly glad of it!

But will God allow things to lie thus? Shall the creature purloin and draw away our affections from Him? No, this is our corruption, and God will purge it. And to this end He sends forth Providence to smite those creatures on which our affections are either inordinately or excessively set, or else to turn them into rods, and smite us with them.

Is Hezekiah too much puffed up with his full exchequer? Why, those very Babylonians to whom he boasted of it, shall empty it and make a prey of it (Isa. 39.6).

Is David hugging himself in a fond conceit of the stability of his earthly splendour? Lo! how soon God beclouds all (Ps. 30.7). Is Absalom doted on, and crept too far into his good father's heart? This shall be the son of his sorrow, that shall seek after his father's life.

Is Jonah so carried away with his gourd? God will prepare a worm to smite it (4. 6,7).

How many husbands, wives and children has Providence smitten for this very reason! It might have spared them longer, if they had been loved more regularly and moderately. This has blasted many an estate and hopeful project; and it is a merciful dispensation for our good.

The strength of our unmortified corruption shows itself in our pride and the swelling vanity of our hearts when we have a name and esteem among men. When we are applauded and honoured, when we are admired for any gift of excellence that is in us, this draws forth the pride of the heart and shows the vanity that is in it. 'As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise' (Prov. 27.21); i.e., as the furnace will reveal what dross is in the metal when it is melted, so will praise and commendations reveal what pride is in the heart of him that receives them. This made a good man say: 'He that praises me, wounds me.' And, which is more strange, this corruption may be felt in the heart, even when the last breath is ready to expire. It was the saying of one of the German divines, when those about him recounted for his encouragement the many services he had done for God, 'Take away the fire, for there is still the chaff of pride in me.' To crucify this corruption Providence takes off the bridle of restraint from ungodly men, and sometimes permits them to traduce the names of God's servants, as Shimei did David's. Yea, they shall fall into disesteem among their friends, as Paul did among the Corinthians; and all this to keep down the swelling of their spirits at the realization of those excellences that are in them. The design of these providences is nothing else but to hide pride from man. Yea, it deserves a special remark, that when some good men have been engaged in a public and eminent work, and have therein, it may be, too much sought their own applause, God has withheld His usual assistance at such times from them, and caused them so to falter in their work, that they have come off with shame and pity at such times, however ready and prepared they have been at other times. It would be easy to give various remarkable examples to confirm this observation, but I pass on.

The corruption of the heart shows itself in raising up great expectations to ourselves from the creature, and planning abundance of felicity and contentment from some promising and hopeful enjoyments we have in the world. This we find to have been the case of holy Job in the days of his prosperity: 'Then I said, I shall die in my nest, and I shall multiply my days as the sand' (29.18). But how soon were all these expectations dashed by a gloomy Providence, that benighted him in the noontide of his prosperity. And all this was for his good, to take off his heart more fully from creature expectations. We often find the best men over-reckon themselves in worldly things, and overate their confidences about them. They that have great and well-grounded expectations from heaven, may have too great and ungrounded expectations from the earth. But it is so, it is very usual for Providence to undermine their earthly hopes, and convince them by experience how vain they are. Thus, in Haggia 1.9, the people's hearts were intently set upon prosperous providences,, full harvests and great increase; while in the meantime no regard was had to the worship of God and the things of His house; therefore Providence blasts their hoped and brings them to little.

Corruption shows itself in dependence upon creature-comforts and tangible props. O how apt are the best of men to lean upon these things, and stay themselves upon them! Thus did Israel stay themselves upon Egypt, as a feeble man would lead upon his staff; but God allowed it both to fail them and wound them (Ezek. 29.6-7). So for individuals, how apt are they to depend upon their tangible supports! Thus we lean on our relations, and the inward thoughts of our hearts are that they shall be to us so many springs of comfort to refresh us throughout our lives; but God will show us by His Providence our mistake and error in these things. Thus a husband is smitten, to draw the soul of a wife nearer to God in dependence upon Him (1 Tim. 5.5). So for children, we are apt to say of this or that child, as Lamech of Noah, 'This same shall comfort us' (Gen. 5.29); but the wind passes over these flowers and they are withered, to teach us that our happiness is not bound up in these enjoyments. So for our estates, when the world smiles upon us, and we have got a warm nest, how do we prophesy of rest and peace in those acquisitions, thinking, with good Baruch, great things for ourselves; but Providence by a particular or general calamity overturns our plans (Jer. 45.4, 5), and all this to turn our hearts from the creature to God, who is our only rest.

Corruption shows its strength in good men by their adherence to things below and their reluctantance to go hence. This often proceeds from the engaging enjoyments and pleasant experiences we have here below. Providence mortifies this inclination in the saints by killing those ensnaring comforts beforehand, making all or most of our pleasant things to die before us. Or it embitters this world to us, by the trouble of it, making life undesirable, through the pains and infirmities we feel in the body, and so loosing our root for our more easy fall by the fatal stroke.

Before I pass from this, I cannot but make a pause, and desire you with me to stand in holy amazement and wonder at the dealings of God with such poor worms as we are. Surely God deals familiarly with men; His condescensions to His own clay are astonishing. All that I shall note at present about it shall be under these three heads; in which I find the matter of my present meditations summed up by the Psalmist: 'Lord, what is man, that thou takest knowledge of him, or the son of man that thou makest account of him!' (144.3). In this Scripture you have represented the immense and transcendent greatness of God, who is infinitely above us, and all our thoughts. 'Canst thou by searching find out God? Canst though find out the Almighty unto perfection? It is as high as heavens cannot contain him' (2 Chron. 2.6). He is 'glorious in holiness, fearful in praises, doing wonders' (Exod. 15.11). When the Scripture speaks of Him comparatively, see how it expresses His greatness: 'Behold, the nations are as the drop of a bucket, and are counted as the small dust of the balance: behold, he taketh up the isles as a very little thing. And Lebanon is not sufficient to burn, nor the beasts thereof sufficient for a burnt offering. All nations before him are as nothing; and they are accounted to him less than nothing, and vanity (Isa. 40. 15-17). When the holiest men have addressed Him, see with what humility and deep adoration they have spoken of Him and to Him! 'Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts' (Isa. 6.5). Nay, what respects the very angels of heaven have of that glorious Majesty: 'Each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said: Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory' (verses 2 and 3).

Secondly, you have the baseness, vileness and utter unworthiness of man, yea, the holiest and best of men, before God: 'Verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity' (Ps. 39.5). 'Every man,' take where you will; and every man 'in his best state,' or 'standing in his freshest glory,' is not only 'vanity,' but 'altogether vanity,' literally 'every man is very vanity.' For do but consider the best of men in their extraction. 'By nature the children of wrath even as others' (Eph. 2.3). The blood that runs in our veins is as much tainted as theirs in hell.

Consider them in their constitution and natural disposition, and it is no better, yea, in many there is worse disposition than in reprobates. And though grace depose sin in them from the throne, yet, O what offensive and God-provoking corruptions daily break out of the best hearts.

Consider them in their outward condition, and they are inferior, for the most part, to others. 'I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou has hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes' (Matt. 11.25; cf. 1 Cor. 1.26-28).

And now let us consider and marvel that ever this great and blessed God should be so much concerned, as you have heard He is in all His providences, about such vile, despicable worms as we are! He does not need us, but is perfectly blessed and happy in Himself without us. We can add nothing to Him; 'Can a man be profitable unto God?' (Job 22.2). No, the holiest of men add nothing to Him; yet, see how great account He makes of us. For does not His eternal electing love show the dear account He made of us (Eph. 1.4,5)? How ancient, how free, and how astonishing is this act of grace! This is that design which all providences are in pursuit of, and will not rest till they have executed.

Does not the gift of His only Son out of His bosom show this, that God makes great account of this vile thing, man? Never was man so magnified before. If David could say: 'When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars which thou hast ordained; what is man?' (Ps. 8.3,4), how much more may we say, 'When we consider Thy Son, that lay in Thy bosom, His infinite excellence and unspeakable dearness to Thee, Lord, what is man, that such a Christ should be delivered to death for him! for him, and not for fallen angels (Heb. 2.16), for him when in a state of enmity with God (Rom. 5.8).

Does not the assiduity of His providential care for us show His esteem of us? 'Lest any hurt it, I will keep it night and day' (Isa. 27.3). 'He withdraweth not his eyes from the righteous' (Job 36.7), no, not a moment all their days; for if He did, a thousand mischiefs in that moment would rush in upon them and ruin them.

Does not the tenderness of His providence show His esteem of us? 'As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you' (Isa. 66.13). He comforts His own by refreshing providences, as an indulgent mother her tender child. 'As birds flying' (Isa. 31.5), viz., to their nests when their young are in danger, so He defends His. No parental tenderness in the creature can shadow forth the tender affection of the Creator.

Does not the variety of the fruits of His providence show it? Our mercies are 'new every morning' (cf. Ps. 40.5; Lam. 3.23). It is a fountain from which do stream forth spiritual and temporal, ordinary and extraordinary, public and personal mercies, mercies without number.

Does not the ministry of angels in the providential kingdom show it? 'Are they not all ministering spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation?' (Heb. 1.14).

Does not the providence of which this day calls us to celebrate the memory, show the great regard God has for His people? O if not so, why were we not given up 'as a prey to their teeth?' 'If it had not been the Lord who was on our side,' then wicked men, compared to fire, water, wild beasts, 'had swallowed us up quick' (Ps. 124). O blessed be God for that teeming providence that has already brought forth more than seventy years liberty and peace to the Church of God. I suggest concerning this providnece that you do by as the Jews by their Purim (Esth. 9.27, 28), and the rather, because we seem now to be as near danger by the same enemy as ever since that time. If such a mercy as this is forgotten, God may say: 'I will deliver you no more' (Judges 10.13).

on my birthday

i'm getting to know God more. i read an article by piper about how no blessings are comparable to that of simply being a child of the living God, redeemed, restored, to live forever to glorify Him. one of the quotes below has kept running through my mind about being thankful for the unmerited bounty of God rather than griping about His seeming straithandedness. and so i definitely see growth, not that i don't want the things i want, but that i just want Jesus more, that Jesus is better than anything. it's not taking away the wants but making them incomparable to Christ, the Giver, as piper always calls Him. and i'm scared. because it's hard. because it's easier to give in, it's easier to give up, it's easier to let my natural sinful nature to control. i am extremely undisciplined in practically every area of my life. so i know that i want Jesus more than anything and that i don't want to give Him up for anything, but does that anything include daily hard work, daily sacrifice of my mind and my thoughts and my actions, doing what i don't always want to do, focusing on truth even if it's so easy to focus on lies, being thankful for everything, not being in want, rejoicing always? yes, these things must be forced sometimes. and so when a genuine christian prays to their Lord and asks for nearness to Him, and with faith knowing that He will answer, it's overwhelming to think what He might do. of course, Jesus chose the cross, His Father chose it for Him. "not my will but yours."

For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can’t escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I’m home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

And keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
There’s nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer my Lord

- lyrics by Meredith Andrews

"My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister,' and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you fromthe forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words." Provbers 7:1-5

song lyrics

He promised us that He would be a counselor
A Mighty God and the Prince of Peace
He promised us that He would be a Father
And that He would love us with a love that would not cease.

Well, I tried Him and I found His promises are true
He's everything He said that He would be.
The finest words I know could not begin to tell
Just what Jesus really means to me.

For He's more wonderful than my mind can concieve
He's more wonderful than my heart can believe
He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams.
He's everything that my soul ever longed for
Everything He's promised and so much more
More than amazing, more than marvelous
More than miraculous could ever be
He's more than wonderful, that's what Jesus is to me.

I stand amazed when I think that the King of glory
Should come to dwell within the heart of man
I marvel just to know He really loves me
When I think of who He is, and who I am.

For He's more wonderful than my mind can concieve
He's more wonderful than my heart can believe
He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams.
He's everything that my soul ever longed for
Everything He's promised and so much more
More than amazing, more than marvelous,
More than miraculous could ever be
He's more than wonderful, that's what Jesus is to me.

some Elisabeth Elliot's writings about Jim

“Some had thought it strange that a young man with his opportunities for success should choose to spend his life in the jungles among primitive people. Jim’s answer, found in his diary, had been written a year before: ‘My going to Ecuador is God’s counsel, as is my leaving Betty, and my refusal to be counseled by all who insist I should stay and stir up the believers in the US. And how do I know it is His counsel? ‘Yea, my heart instructeth me in the night seasons.’ Oh, how good! For I have known my heart is speaking to me for God! …No visions, no voices, but the counsel of a heart which desires God.’”

“We have arrived at the destination decided on in 1950. My joy is full. Oh how blind it would have been to reject the leading of these days. How it has changed the course of life for me and added such a host of joys!”

“At twenty-six years how good God has been and how full and blessed His ways. How continually I thank God for bringing me here, almost overcoming the impossible and pushing me out. I felt ‘thrust out’ and how grateful I am for God’s impelling.”

“The ruts are worn deep and it won’t be easy to change habits and give up the lost ground or let it be gained by the Lord. But surely it will be worth the battle. My mind was made only to love Him; my body, also, which includes my tongue in all its activities. How slow some of us are to learn.”

“I will be led and taught of the Holy Spirit. God desires full development, use and activity of our faculties. The Holy Spirit can and will guide me in direct proportion to the time and effort I will expend to know and do the will of God. I must read the Bible to know God’s will. At every point I will obey and do.”

“Lord, God, speak to my own heart and give me to know Thy Holy will and the joy of walking in it. Amen.”

“Oh, the fullness, pleasure, sheer excitement of knowing God on earth! I care not if I never raise my voice again for Him, if only I may love Him, please Him. Mayhap in mercy He shall give me a host of children that I may lead them through the cast star fields to explore His delicacies whose finger ends set them to burning. But if not, if only I may see Him, touch His garments, and smile into His eyes – ah then, not stars nor children shall matter, only Himself.”

“O Jesus, Master and Center and End of all, how long before that Glory is thine which has so long waited Thee? Now there is no thought of Thee among men; then there shall be thought for nothing else. Now other men are praised; then none shall care for any other’s merits. Hasten, hasten, Glory of Heaven, take Thy crown, subdue They Kingdom, enthrall Thy creatures.”

“God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.”

“God is the God of human history, and He is at work continuously, mysteriously, accomplishing His eternal purposes in us, through us, for us, and in spite of us.”

“It is not the level of our spirituality that we can depend on. It is God and nothing less than God, for the work is God’s and the call is God’s and everything is summoned by Him and to His purposes, the whole scene, the whole mess, the whole package – our bravery and our cowardice, our love and our selfishness, our strengths and our weaknesses.”

“We are not always sure where the horizon is. We would not know which end is up were it not for the shimmering pathway of light falling on the white sea. The One who laid earth’s foundations and settled its dimensions knows where the lines are drawn. He gives all the light we need for trust and for obedience.”

"Mystery of Providence" by John Flavel

Notes takes from the first five chapters -- it's so great!

"Crying unto God is an expression that denotes not only prayer, but intense and fervent prayer. To cry is to pray in a holy passion; and such are usually speeding prayers."

"Providence not only undertakes but perfects what concerns us. It goes through with its designs, and accomplishes what it begins. No difficulty so dogs it, no cross accident falls in its way, but it carries its design through it. Its motions are irresistible and uncontrollable; He performs it for us."

"O how ravishing and delectable a sight will it be to behold at one view the whole design of Providence, and the proper place and use of every single act, which we could not understand in this world!"

Speaking of the work of conversion... "This, O this, is the most excellent benefit you ever received from [Providence's] hand. You are more indebted to it for this, than for all other mercies. And in explaining this performance of Providence, I cannot but think your hearts must be deeply affected. This is a subject which every gracious heart loves to steep its thoughts in. It is certainly the sweetest history that ever they repeated; they love to think and talk of it."

"Ascribe to God the glory of all those providential works which yield you comfort. You see a wise, directing, governing Providence, which has disposed and ordered all things beyond your own plans and designs: 'The way of man is not in himself; it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps' (Jer. 10.23). Not what you planned, but what a higher counsel than yours determines to come to pass."

"The wisdom of Providence in our provisions. And this is seen in proportioning the quantity, not satisfying our extravagant wishes, but answering our real needs; consulting our wants, not our wantonness. ...Wise Providence considers our conditions as pilgrims and strangers, and so allots the provision that is needful for our passage home."

"The wisdom of Providence is also greatly revealed in the manner of dispensing our portion to us. It many times allows our wants to pinch hard, and many fears to arise, with a design to magnify the care and love of God in the supply (Deut. 8.3). Providence so orders the case, that faith and prayer come between our wants and supplies, and the goodness of God may be the more magnified in our eyes thereby."

"Do not murmur and complain under new straits. This is a vile temper, and yet how natural to us when wants press hard upon us! Ah, did we but rightly understand what the demerit of sin is, we would rather admire the bounty of God than complain for the straithandedness of Providence. And if we did but consider that there lies upon God no obligation of justice or gratitude to reward any of our duties, it would cure our murmurs (Gen. 32.10). ...Do not show the least discontent at the lot and portion Providence carves out for you. O that you would be well pleased and satisfied with all its appointments!"

a new recipe

cooked ziti pasta
olive oil (whatever suits you, i prefer light)
minced garlic (i like the kind that comes prepared in the jar usually found by the produce)
1/2 large white or yellow onion, chopped
salt & fresh cracked pepper
red pepper flakes
3 cups fresh spinach
1 or 2 roma tomatoes (more meat, less juice, my fav.), chopped
herbs de provance (did i spell that correctly?)
fresh grated parmesan cheese (don't use the shelf powdered kind. also, romano or asiago might also be a good choice of cheese but i haven't tried that yet.)

coat a skillet with olive oil, you want enough to be able to just coat all the pasta. add the minced garlic to the oil and let it heat up. add the chopped onion to the pan, it should sizzle when it hits the oil. add salt and pepper, you don't need a lot of salt since the cheese will have its own. add red pepper flakes for your own amount of kick. let the onion just begin to caramelize before adding the spinach. you only want the spinach to wilt enough to be limp, not like steamed spinach or creamed spinach. then add the the chopped tomatoes, you only want these to just get a little heat and flavor from the oil. toss with the cooked ziti pasta. add a few pinches of herbs de provance and 1/4-1/2 cup of cheese. toss together and serve. delicious.

outside my bedroom window at 8am

taken in Columbia, SC at 5:30am

"Who has... seen heavenly store houses laden with snow?"

Charleston Pictures

Florida Pictures #1
Florida Pictures #2
Florida Pictures #3

"A Thousand Splendid Suns"

I read Khaled Hosseini's second book. Excellent. Excellent. What can I say? I liked it better than the first, perhaps because there's no talk of redemption, false redemption. It simply is the story. Excellent.

excerpts from "The Shack"

"There are times when you choose to believe something that would normally be considered absolutely irrational. It doesn't mean that it is actually irrational, but it surely is not rational. Perhaps there is suprarationality: reason beyond the normal definitions of fact or data-based logic; something that only makes sense if you can see a bigger picture of reality. Maybe that is where faith fits in."

Talking about man's freedom... "Or, if you want to go just a wee bit deeper, we could talk about the nature of freedom itself. Does freedom mean that you are allowed to do whatever you want to do? Or we could talk about all the limited influences in your life that actively work against your freedom. Your family genetic heritage, your specific DNA, your metabolic uniqueness, the quantum stuff that is going on at a subatomic level where only I am the always-present observer. Or the intrusion of your soul's sickness that inhibites and binds you, or the social influences around you, or the habits that have created synaptic bonds and pathways in your brain. And there there's advertising, propaganda, and paradigms. Inside that confluence of multifaceted inhibitors... what is freedom really?"

Blessings in 2009!!

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1b). "You are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen, that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me. I, I am the Lord, and besides me there is no savior. I declared and saved and proclaimed, when there was no strange god among you; and you are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and I am God. Also henceforth I am he; there is none who can deliver from my hand; I work, and who can turn it back?" (Isaiah 43:10-13).