I need prayer, please.

In no particular order...

• Cindy Carbajal is coming to visit me. Her husband has a kidney stone. Pray that he is healed before Cindy comes so both feel better about her being here. Pray that when she comes we have sweet time together.
• Rebecca Boone's wedding on April 18th and the planning on my part for the days before hand. That I'm a good friend and we have a grand time.
• I've had to go to the doctor for some digestional problems. Pray especially for all the insurance to come through and of course to figure out what's going on.
• For school as I finish up, especially for one class that has been very aggravating for me. That I do the best I can and am patient and kind with the teacher.
• For my living situation. I love my roommates, truly, but to be able to tell them when they hurt me.
• For a particular past friendship of mine that has completely deteriorated and all the hurt (and, unfortunately, anger at times) that comes along with it.
• All the details that need to happen for teaching this summer in the Middle East.
• All the details that need to happen for teaching in August in the Ukraine.
• All the details that need to happen for the ten days that I'll be in Austria, Germany, and Czech Republic with my sister.
• I'm singing at church this Sunday night. I'm excited but scared.
• For rest in all ways.
• For consistent time with the Lord. Hell really is hell because it's the lack of Jesus. It's not that I don't know that He's best but that I get overwhelmed and instead of turning to Him and relaxing, I just want to forget about everything and it freezes me into doing nothing which only makes everything worse. Pray for this, please.

Thank you and blessings on you for praying to Him.

do you ever have a day (or days) when you just feel totally overwhelmed? yes, by outside circumstances, but more so by how foolish and idiotic and imperfect you are. and it's just so frustrating. and all you know to do is beg God for mercy. and the only thing you know how to do is say "praise Jesus! He is everything. all i know is that you are best, that you are worthy, that i can't, that i don't want to, live without you." you don't know anything else. and you just beg for God's mercy.

...and then He proves Himself merciful - through an e-mail from a friend (that wasn't even written for you), from a providential meeting of a dear friend that you rarely see, from a call from one of your favorite students from chuuk, through a great mom that listens through the tears and frustration, through an unexpected talk with a professor, and even through a hymn sing session that you have been skipping out on every week before tonight because you're too tired and have too many other things to do...

and you sing...

Abide with me: fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide:
When other helpers fail, and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me!

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;
Earth's joys grow dim, its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see:
O thou who changest not, abide with me!

I need thy presence ev'ry passing hour;
What but thy grace can foil the tempter's pow'r?
Who like thyself my guide and stay can be?
Thro' cloud and sunshine, O abide with me!

Hold thou thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine thro' gloom, and point me to the skies:
Heav'n's morning breaks and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord abide with me!

and the story of my life (and one of my all-time favorite hymns)...

All the way my Savior leads me; What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt his tender mercy, Who thro' life has been my guide?
Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort, Here by faith in him to dwell!
For I know what e'er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know what e'er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me; Cheers each winding path I tread,
Gives me grace for ev'ry trial, Feeds me with the living bread:
Tho my weary steps may falter, And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me; Oh, the fullness of his love!
Perfect rest to me is promis'd In my Father's house above:
When my spirit, cloth'd immortal, Wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song thro' endless ages: Jesus led me all the way;
This my song thro' endless ages: Jesus led me all the way.

...and prayer requests.

tomorrow i'm substitute teaching at an esl class for one of my professors. 7:30 on sunday night, i don't yet have a lesson plan. i have class tomorrow afternoon and then i was supposed to have coffee with a friend but i had to cancel because i realize i have a huge project due on wednesday and a midterm. but on tuesday i have an endoscopy at the doctor's office and then i work all day, although i have no idea how i'll be feeling afterwards. i do know, i'm not allowed to drive all day. and on tuesday night i'm taking dinner over to the le texier's because susana's pregnant. oh dear, and i just realized i have voice lessons on tuesday afternoon too. aaaah! pray that all this works out. i have no idea how. oh, Lord, help!

"the blueness is newness in Jesus Christ"

I've been waiting to blog so I could post the link to the rest of World Christian Week's sermons but the link isn't up yet. It was very good. God is awesome.

For those of you who don't know, after teaching English in the middle east this summer, I'm off to Austria, Germany, and the Czech Republic with my sister. Then we're off to the Ukraine for more English teaching. Clearly, God continues to be awesome.

Since you all know that I love quoting from books, I thought I would write some from Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb, the book I noted in the blog below. I continued reading it on this 80 degree, clear and sunny day in Columbia, after church and lunch at Donna and "J"'s of course. :o)

Jesus' teachings:
"Truth 1: Life includes suffering, but life is good. In this world, His followers and everyone else will suffer tribulation. But Jesus has made a way for us to satisfy our deepest desire in the midst of unrelieved pain.
Truth 2: The cause of all suffering is separation. We are separated from God - and from our own deepest desire, our longing for God - and we're therefore deceived into looking elsewhere for joy. That sets us off on the ultimate wild goose chase. Nothing but God satisfies our most profound desire.
Truth 3: The way to handle suffering is to discover your desire for God. Then everything, both good and bad, becomes redemptive. It moves us toward the God we desire. Enter your thirst. Feel your ache, the very worst ache that throbs in your soul. Face how you harm others, your spouse, your children, your friends. And face your disappointment with them. Eventually, you will seek God for... ...forgiveness of your failure to love. ...the love you desire. ...empowerment to love others. ...hope that one day you will revel in love freely given and freely received in a perfect community of lovers.
Truth 4: The new life provided through Jesus must be accepted as a gift of love. We then spend the rest of our days discovering our desire to know God better, and we come to realize it's a desire whose satisfaction no shattered dream can thwart."

Also,
"God does want us happy; He's gone to great lengths to ensure our eternal joy. But the happiness He provides now is the strange happiness of longing for what we were designed to experience but must wait to fully enjoy. It's the happiness of serving a God we trust enough to let us cry today, knowing He has promised to wipe our eyes tomorrow. ...C.S. Lewis somewhere said that if we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world. Jesus told us to lay up treasures for ourselves in heaven. Paul instructs us to fix our eyes on an unseen world, the one Lewis calls 'another world,' and to set our affections on higher ambitions than will ever be satisfied now. The message is clear. We are to become aware of better dreams and live for them, not only the better dreams of heaven but also the better dream available now of drawing close to God. When we discover our desire for God, we can live for nothing less."

And, last, you know when you have a CD but you only listen to a few particular songs and then one day you start broadening your horizons and realize that there are other cool songs on the album too? Well that happened to me. Read these awesome lyrics by Laura Story, especially with everything else I've been thinking about lately. :o)

When I'm at the point of breaking
At the place where I resign
When I'm at the stage of shaking my head
As I look back on my life
When I'm halfway thru the grieving
But not quite thru the ache
When I cannot see the ending
Or which road I'm supposed to take

And all I know to do
Is lift my hands to You

Take all of my life
All of my life
And make something beautiful
I open my hand and trust in Your plan
Make something beautiful
So all will see
Your work in me
As You make something beautiful

When I'm tired of pretending
And I can't recall my line
Do I saw I'm barely breathing
Or do I say I'm doing fine
I admit there is a yearning
For the hurting to subside
But not at the risk of missing
What You're doing in my life

And all I know to do
Is lift my hands to You

letting you know cool stuff...

On Sunday I attended Cedar Creek Baptist Church (Donna and "J"s church). The sermon was great, talking about Jesus being the center of our lives and the reason we do everything (the end of Romans 15). After service, I went over to my small group leaders' home from Sandhills Community Church and spent four hours with their fam. and a few other people. We played Pit, Quibbles, and Nerts. So much fun. Then I rushed over to House 10 on campus for an International Worship night. There were about 30 people there, a lot of internationals and MKs. It was a marvelous time of worship and fellowship. After most people left, Reyner, Jennie, Andre, Tim, Laurel, Jenn, Betsy, a few others, and I "jammed" for the glory of God. I played Betsy's bongos and sang. It was soooo wonderful!!!! Then I came home to find a young man sitting on the couch in my living room with Anita and Priscilla. The four of us talked for almost another two hours. Way past my bedtime, I went to sleep. Praise the Lord for a great day though!

This week at school is World Christian Week. Yesterday we had our first main session. The speaker, no joke, is a little John Piper. His sermon was outstanding. You can listen to it here. And the only other book the speaker quoted from was a book I'm reading right now called Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb - EXCELLENT! You should read it.

I'll write more soon. Pray, pray, pray!!!